Brake Lights & Menacing Looks

I'm really, REALLY excited!  And I feel really, REALLY lucky!  No, I didn't win the lottery.  But I did get a parking spot right outside my building, which makes me feel like I've won the lottery.  Now I can leave the house a whole two minutes later tomorrow morning than I could if I had parked around the block. 

Most of you know that I live in Bay Ridge, otherwise known as The Land of No Parking.  Finding a great spot is like a drug, an instant pick-me-up; if only there were more dealers around.  No matter how lousy your work day was, if you find a kick-ass parking spot when you get home, the day is considered a success.  People are funny about parking spots, especially when parking is scarce.  After our huge snowstorms, people would make comments like, "Well, I dug out this spot, and now someone else thinks they're gonna take it?"  What they don't seem to realize is that if you're moving your car, where are you putting it next?  Into another spot somewhere else, a spot that someone else dug out.  Digging out a car doesn't give you claim to a piece of asphalt.  Yes, you dug your car out and we're all very proud of you, but everyone else is in the same boat. 

Fortunately, we're almost halfway through March and we haven't been hit with any snow for a while now.  (Knock on wood.)  But that doesn't mean the parking situation in some neighborhoods is any easier.  Scarce parking turns people into stalkers.  Witness this scene, through the eyes of an otherwise sane person, who's looking for a parking spot.  You see a lone man emerge from a building.  He's holding a briefcase; could he be going to work?  Are those car keys in his hand?  Better follow him just to be sure.  (Inch car up and try not to make eye contact with the subject.)  He's crossing the street.  Is that his blue Volvo he's heading towards?  Please, please, please...damn it!  He's going to the train station.  Sometimes you can alleviate this false hope by simply asking the person if they're leaving.  One time I did this, and the lady at her car said, "Yes, but in a little while.  Not right now."  Thanks, that's helpful.  I wasn't asking for your evening plans; I just wanted your parking spot. 

When you're driving around looking for a spot, brake lights on another car might as well be Christmas lights.  But be forewarned; sometimes they too can give you false hope.  The worst is when you see them, thinking someone is leaving, but really they just parked.  But if you're lucky enough to find someone who is leaving, also heed this word of caution.  He knows you are at his complete mercy, and will therefore take every painstaking minute he can to make you wait for that spot.  He will walk around every orifice of the car, making sure they're all locked.  Twice.  Then he'll adjust the mirrors, despite the fact that he hasn't done that since he took his driver's test.  Then he'll take an extra long bite of his breakfast.  Then finally, sloooooowly, he will begin to pull out of the spot, making sure to shoot you menacing looks, implying that you didn't leave him enough room to pull out. 

The good news is that parking spots are recycleable, and hopefully soon he'll need the spot you're in, and you can make sure he receives his just desserts.  Hey, man.  Car-ma's a bitch.