Groupons, Hoity-Toity Moisturizer, & Sunscreen for Snooki

Today I had what I like to call a date with myself.  I try to spend a little quality time with me, myself, and I at least a few times a year, and I encourage you to do the same, if your circumstances allow you to.

 Dates with yourself are great for many reasons.  Among other things:

• You never get nervous before a date with yourself, or wonder what to wear, or if you have a piece of spinach stuck between your teeth.
• You will never get into an argument with your date about where to go, what to eat, or what movie to see.
• You can be as cheap as you want to be.

In fact, the cheaper the better.  My rationale behind a date with myself was twofold.  One, I wanted to get out of the house on this beautiful day.  Two, I wanted to prove that I could have a glorious time in the city of New York on less than $25.  No small feat, I know.  But I was armed with some ammo, including some heretofore uncashed gift cards (other people's money--it doesn't count), my College of Staten Island ID that would grant me student discounts at any museum, and a Groupon.  Here was my plan of action:

1. Take the train and get off in Soho.  Use gift cards at Bloomingdale's and Sephora (two stores  I would never be able to frequent if not for the gift cards). 
2. Walk from Soho to Murray Hill and lunch at Red Sky (with Groupon previously purchased, $10 for $20 worth of food and drink). 
3. Take train to MoMA PS1 in Long Island City.
4. Take train home.

Here's what actually happened, along with the dollar amount spent at each stop, and a few adventures along the way.  Let's see if I met my goal of $25 or less.

1. Took train and got off in Soho.  ($2.25)

2. Arrived at Bloomingdale's.  After discovering that I would only be able to buy something from the clearance room with my paltry $25 gift card (which was shoved aaaaallllll the way in the back on the top floor) I actually found a top that I could afford.  The tag said $37, with a 40% discount on top of that.  I tried it on and, while I didn't exactly fall in love with it, I figured it was the best I was going to do with the money I had to spend.  I brought it to the heavily make-upped cashier, who greeted me with an overzealous smile. 

"Hi," I said.  "This is 40% off the ticket price, right?"

"It should be," she said cheerily.  That word should bothered me.  Why should it cost anything other than what the tag says?  "Let me just scan it to check."

She scanned it, and lo and behold, it wasn't the right price, supposedly. "Hmm, that's weird."  More words I'm not fond of.  "This is totally ticketed wrong.  The actual price is $60, marked down from the original $100." 

"So there's just a completely wrong tag on this?  That doesn't make any sense."  I made a face, which apparently, she wasn't fond of.

"Well, we can give it to you for the $37 it says on this tag," she said, as though she was doing me some kind of favor. 

"I don't even want it for that.  I want it for the price it was advertised.  If that's the best you can do, I don't want it anymore." 

Supposing a discounted sale was better than no sale at all, the girl smiled (a fake one, I'm sure) and said, "Sure.  We can do that for you." 

I wound up paying $21 for the top, but again, it was on someone else's dime, someone who apparently didn't realize there's no point in giving someone a $25 Bloomingdale's gift card.  So I'm not going to count that in my total.  In fact, I wound up with $4 extra on the card, which I can only assume will be as useful as sunscreen for Snooki.

Apparently once I made a stink, the price, supposedly set in hardcore stone, was suddenly malleable.  I tucked that bit of information away for the next time I went to Bloomy's (as if there would be one).

3. Went to Sephora with another $25 gift card.  Bought expensive hoity-toity moisturizer and cocoa butter.  Total was $27.22, so I wound up coughing up the rest out of pocket.  ($2.22)

4. Began walking uptown to Red Sky.  I could swear I rememebered the cross-streets correctly: 29th and Park, but when I arrived, Red Sky was nowhere in sight.  Circled five-block radius before calling 411 for the address, which is extremely tough for a New Yorker to do for two reasons: a) it's basically admitting you don't know where you're going, and b) it costs an arm and a leg.  ($1.25)

5. Found out that I was right all along, and Red Sky was located in a nondescript wooden building with no name on the outside that I had passed at least four times in my stupor.  Entered Red Sky, which honestly looked nothing like its website.  Instead, the inside looked like something out of Restaurant: Impossible (the "before," not the "after").  Figured I'd give it a shot, although the "Grade Pending" sign in its window wasn't doing it any favors. 

I actually had a fairly positive experience.  The waitstaff was extremely kind, and my $20 voucher allowed me to indulge in a rather tasty southwestern chicken salad and two glasses of sangria.  I was actually expecting to have to pay more, but the best moment of the day was when the waitress presented a $1 food bill to me.  ($10 voucher + $1 extra + $5 tip= $16 total).

6.  Decided to skip the museum since I was approaching my monetary limit and weary from my search for the elusive Red Sky.  Took train home.  ($2.25)

Total for the day: $23.97 (if my math serves me correctly).  Mission accomplished!

Just imagine, if I had actually brought a date in the form of another human being, my total would have doubled. 

So the next time you're worried that someone is going to quietly judge you or call you a loser for going out by yourself, comfort yourself with the idea of all the bucks you'll be saving.

You will, after all, need them for your next date with yourself.