Free (and HUGE) Glasses of Wine, Kidneys, and Archaic Neanderthal Grunts

The other night I had dinner at my parents' house. I have sung the praises of dinner at the folks' house before, something you don't truly appreciate until you move out come to the realization that they were right all along, you do have to pay for food, and money doesn't grow on trees (the horror).

So I'm minding my own business, eating my (free) dinner and on my second (free and HUGE) glass of wine when, according to my father, a tragedy occured.

I mmm-hmmmed him.

Let me explain.

He asked me to pass the bread. I did. He said, "Thank you." I said, "Mmm-hmm."

"She gave me the mmm-hmm," he said to my mother with disgust. She responded with a knowing chuckle.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"And she doesn't even know she did it!" he sighed. "It happens all the time nowadays. Someone holds the door for you, you say thank you, they say mmm-hmmm. What ever happened to 'You're welcome'? Is it so much trouble?"

"Oh. Sorry," I mumbled. Apparently this topic was something my dad, a recent retiree, had had the opportunity to mull over quite a bit. A few minutes later I passed a napkin to my mother and made sure to overemphasize my "YOU'RE WELCOME" after her "thank you", lest I be subjected to another one of my dad's rants that includes the word "nowadays."

Of course my dad was kidding; my manners as a grown woman are far from their concern now. But as I got to thinking about his point, I realized that there was some truth to it.

We accept tons of inadequate substitutions for the words you're welcome: don't mention it, no problem, sure, and of course, the dreaded mmm-hmm, technically not even a word but more of an archaic grunt suitable for Neanderthals.

How did all this start? Well, maybe it's like when Jerry Seinfeld said the magnitude of the favor you need is proportionate to the pause you take after asking the question, "Can you do me a favor?" Small pause, small favor. "Can you hand me that pencil?" Big pause..... big favor. "Can you watch my kids for the weekend?"

So maybe the mmm-hmms are okay as long as they're only in response to small favors like door-holding and pencil-passing. But what happens when they make their way over to the big ones, the life-changing events?

KEN: "Sam, buddy, you're a lifesaver. Thanks for donating your left kidney to me. I wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for you." Breaks down in (very manly) tears.

SAM: Mmm-hmm. Continues reading newspaper.

And what about the in-between things, like when a waiter brings you your food? Of course you're going to say "thank you." And I've definitely gotten the "mmm-hmm" from them before. And now that I think about it, it does kind of irk me. Want to address me like a caveman? Maybe I'll tip like one.

So thanks to Dad, I'm trying to eradicate mmm-hmm from my vocabulary. Sometimes I'll catch myself doing it and quickly correct myself.

Even for door-holding and pencil-passing.

But for beer passing? That very big favor deserves a hearty "thank you." And an even heartier "you're welcome."