Common Sense & Cheetos

So there's a pretty important football game going on tonight, if you're a Jets fan.  And you're probably busy getting your supplies for the big game: beer, snacks, etc.  But before you go grocery shopping, you better read this, as I promise to provide breaking health news in about thirty seconds. 

 As you may have read in my first blog, I am a fan of all three: beer, Jets, and food (not necessarily in that order).  But I try as hard as I can to eat somewhat healthy; well, as much as anyone can on the weekends, anyway.  I'm always reading articles with titles like "Eat Whatever You Want and Still Lose Weight" and "The All-Green Diet Approach."  Sometimes I need some creative ways to make sure I'm not completely pigging out.

 So imagine my delight when I logged on to my computer the other day and saw "You Don't Have to Give Up Beer and Cheetos!" on my homepage.  Beer and cheetos?  To paraphrase Julie Andrews, these just happen to be a few of my favorite things.  And I really don't even eat cheetos anymore, because they're so bad for you.  Things that are made from artificial cheese and are that delicious usually are.  So if there's a way that I don't have to give up cheetos, I'm all for it.  Who cares if the article was produced by Men's Fitness?  This couldn't be more relevant to my life.  I clicked on the link, already experiencing an internal struggle deciding between puffy and crunchy.

Turns out it wasn't so much an article as a thirty second video of some jacked-up musclehead dude.  It was Men's Fitness, after all.  I eagerly awaited the advice that would help me put the cheetos back in my diet.  "Hey guys, there's no reason why you have to eliminate beer and cheetos when you're watching the game," the dude began.  "Studies show that when people sit with a big back of snacks in front of them, they're likely to eat 20% more than if they had the small bag.  So the lesson?  Only buy the small bags."  He then produced one of those bags you buy in the deli for a quarter and happily chomped on them while downing a beer.

So...if you eat small bags of food instead of big bags of food, you won't eat as much.  This was groundbreaking news?  I felt cheated, not because I've been depriving myself of cheetos for years, but because I wanted the last thirty seconds of my life back that I wasted watching that video.  This is what passes for sound journalism? 

The problem that this video represents is that common sense just isn't so common anymore.  People need to be told things that they should just know.  It's the same syndrome that we experience right before a big snowstorm and the TV news reporters say things like, "Stay indoors whenever possible " or "Make sure you wear a hat when it's snowing to avoid catching a cold."  Really?  Okay, now that you mention it, my ears do feel a little nippy.  What can I do about that?  Wear a hat?  Yeah, I hadn't thought of that.  (Puts hat on head.)  That's much better.  Thank God I watched that news program. 

So I'm sorry if you felt cheated reading this blog, expecting earth-shattering health tips.  But do heed my advice.  While you're watching the game tonight, munching on your (small) bag of cheetos and drinking your (small lite) beer, remember: if you go outside to celebrate the Jets' victory (hopefully), wear a hat.  It's cold out. 

There.  Now you know.  Because if I didn't just tell you, how would you know?